Boys Will Be Boys
by WritingGirl92
Summary: The Cullen boys found a new hobby: telling dirty jokes. Carlisle is far from pleased with this, but it doesn't slow them down, and Carlisle must deal with the headache that tends to come when his boys remind him that although they may be centuries of years old in the vampire world, they're still teenagers at heart. M for sexual themes. Spanking fic. If you don't like, don't read!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight saga in any way, shape or form.**

Carlisle wraps his arms around Esme's waist as they gaze out of the large picture window that allows them a view of their new property. The thick forest surrounds them. Carlisle rests his chin on Esme's shoulder and kisses her cheek. The orange haze of the setting sun casts over them.

"I'm glad you like it, my love. I worried that you wouldn't." He says.

"Why wouldn't I love it?" Esme asks without taking her eyes off the peaceful scene.

"Well, there isn't much for free property. Most is covered by trees. And-" He explains, but is quickly cut off.

"What do you call a fight between two guys over a slut? A tug-of-whore!"

"And because the rooms are so close." Carlisle sighs.

Esme scrunches her eyebrows together and suddenly the peaceful woods doesn't seem so peaceful anymore. Her and Carlisle's bedroom is at the perfect location of the property for this time of day. The sun casts it's beautiful glow into the room as it sets. Esme loves it, and Carlisle does his best to be with her during these times, but they can only share these moments once or twice every week. But it seems that this sunset is already ruined.

"I'll be right back, dear." Carlisle promises. He kisses his wife on the cheek again before leaving the room. He shuts the door softly before putting on a firm face and taking nine steps to the sitting room where his three boys are flopped over on the couch. They're all laughing until their father appears. Carlisle's eyes land on Emmett. "What makes you think that that kind of language is acceptable in this house?"

"Aw, c'mon Dad. It was just a joke." Emmett says lightheartedly. "It's not a big deal."

"It's not a big deal? Esme is right in the other room." Carlisle pointed to the jointing wall, then at the hall on the other side of the living room. "And your wife is right down the hall."

"Who do you think told me the joke?" Emmett laughs. Edward joins in and even Jasper can't help but crack a smile. They're quickly hushed, though.

"Emmett Dale, if I hear another joke like that, I'll take you out to the woodshed." Carlisle threatens. Emmett huffs and sinks down lower in the plush couch. "We do not talk like with ladies present. Understand?"

"Yeah," Emmett mumbles. He earns a curt nod from Carlisle before his father returns to his own bedroom. Emmett rolls his eyes. "He's so old-school. Ladies don't care if they hear dirty jokes. Hell, Rosalie knows more dirty jokes than anyone else!"

"Seriously. He's stuck in ancient times." Edward adds on. "They have equal rights now. That means equal rights to hear dirty jokes, too."

Carlisle ignores his children's complaints and returns to Esme. The sunset is practically over with now, but he still wants to spend the last few moments of it with his wife. He kisses her cheek again.

"Which reminds me, how can you tell the difference between a hungry girl and a horny girl?" Edward asks. "By where she puts the cucumber!"

The living room roars with laughter. Carlisle sighs and looks at Esme with apologetic eyes.

"Go do what you have to do." Esme sighs.

"I'm sorry, honey. I'll get them back in line, and then we'll spend the entire night together." He promises before darting out of his bedroom. He grabs Edward by his arm, pulling him to his feet and towards the backdoor.

"Come on, Carlisle! This isn't fair!" Edward protests, knowing exactly where Carlisle is taking him because of his joke. "You said if Emmett told another, not me!"

"I think I made it clear that those jokes aren't acceptable, yet you decided to tell another the moment I left the room. You know how defiance is handled in this household."

Edward groans as they leave the house and he's practically dragged to the old wooden building off to the side of the property. Carlisle pops the door open and gives Edward a little shove into the small structure. He gestures the sawhorse in the middle of the woodshed.

"You know the drill, son. Bend over."

 **Hey guys! So if you read my story Control then you already know a little about the property they're on. I've wanted to do a story with them on that property, and I finally got an idea to write about. So please review and tell me what you think! The next chapter should be up soon.**


	2. Chapter 2

Carlisle adjust his tie and takes a deep, relaxing breath of the fresh air coming through the bedroom window. The calming air does not counteract the pop music playing in the living room, though. He sighs as he listens to the lyrics. All of the songs his girls play nowadays are sexual. Why can't anyone seem to make wholesome music anymore?

He shakes his head and the newest generation and leaves his room. The rest of the house is brightly lit, his kids have almost every light on. Alice and Rosalie laugh as Emmett complains about his strict History teacher. Esme waters her potted plants. Only Jasper and Edward are unattended for. Carlisle walks up to his wife and gives her a kiss before questioning where the other two boys are.

"They just stepped into Edward's room." She tells him.

"Really? Both of them?" Carlisle asks. She nods.

"I was surprised too, but at least they're not fighting." She says with a shrug.

Carlisle gives her a slight nod. He agrees to her, but only to an extent. After all the years he's put into raising his coven, he knows when his boys sneak off, they're either in trouble or causing trouble. He kisses Esme again before leaving her to investigate.

"So he pulls his ski mask on and goes into the sperm back where his girlfriend works as a secretary. He holds a gun to her head and demands to be taken to the room where all the sperm samples are stored." Edward says in an excited but hushed voice. As Carlisle gets closer to his room, the cleared Edward's voice gets. "He keeps the gun to her head and demands that she-"

"What's going on, boys?" Carlisle asks through the closed door. Edward cuts his story short.

"Nothing!" He calls back. Carlisle rolls his eyes, Edward should know by now that he can't fool his father that easily, and pushes the door open. Jasper stares at him with wide eyes and Edward bites his lips nervously.

"What did I tell you about those jokes?"

"You didn't want to hear them." Edward mumbles. "But we were being quiet! There's no way you could hear us in the living room. And the girls aren't here, either."

"Edward, I don't want you to hear you telling those jokes in this house at all. They're crude, disrespectful, and downright tacky." Carlisle says firmly. "I thought I made that clear to you yesterday."

"You did." Edward huffs and drops his eyes to the ground. Carlisle pointed to Jasper.

"Go in the living room. Edward, you stay here."

Jasper jumps to his feet from Edward's couch, and in a blink of an eye, he's gone. Carlisle steps into the room and shuts the door behind him. Edward see's exactly what his father is planning on doing, so he backs up until his back is against the wall.

"Carlisle, please! I have school today!" He begs.

"Do the rules change depending on your school schedule?"

"No, but I have to stay sitting for _eight_ hours on the crummy chairs!"

"Well, next time you should take that into consideration before you break the rules."

Carlisle walks over to his son and grabs Edward's shoulder, pulling him away from the wall. Edward groans as Carlisle lands five hard smacks to the seat of his jeans. He scowls and rubs his rear once Carlisle releases his shoulder.

"You're getting mean in your old age." He grumbles, making Carlisle laugh.

"I'm getting mean? If anything, I'm loosening up. If this would have happened a hundred years ago, you know you'd be getting a proper whooping with a belt and your trousers dropped down."

"No one says trousers anymore." Edward murmurs. Carlisle rolls his eyes as he heads towards the door.

"I don't want to hear those jokes anymore, Edward Anthony!"


End file.
